I failed and it didn’t kill me — A year of shame

failure quote

fail

10 Tips To Handle A Failure

A lot of people told me: ‘You really fail when you decide to give up’. It’s easy to say, isn’t it? If you didn’t get it yet, today I’m sharing one of my biggest fears with you guys J. Failure. One of my biggest fears is to fail… whether it be failing at school, a professional interview, at work, … For others, it’s not a big deal.

Reality hit me when I came back to Belgium one year ago. OMG it’s already one year! I felt ashamed for my family and friends. I didn’t know what happened because I was a good student. So, when I failed I fell into a spiral of failure. I couldn’t stand myself when I looked in the mirror. The problem was that I decided the reason for my failure was my personality. I took it too personally.

But you know what? What I thought would kill me, made me stronger. I failed and it didn’t kill me. Of course, I was moody and bitter all year. I hated myself because I had to move back home. My plans after San Diego had to be put on standby until I got my degree.

It hurt and I hated myself to make my boyfriend move to a country he didn’t plan to live in. However, I didn’t know how to found the motivation and strength to start it over. I went to school to register for one more year. Paying for only one module pissed me off. My schedule was so light, 2 hours of class per week, that I decided to find a part time job.

 

Claire’s Accessories

After a few weeks of looking for a job, I got one at Claire’s Accessories. I started as a student position, then a week later, they offered me a part time job as a third key salesperson.

Working at Claire’s was pleasant. My manager, who became a friend, trained me to open and close the shop, use the till, sell goods, pierce ears, interact with the customer and basically how to be a great salesperson. I also ran the birthday events for the kids within the store. 

Event at Claires
You can organize your own event at Claires :p Here was Unicorn party :p

♡ Louvain-la-Neuve

I found a one bedroom apartment to live in with my boyfriend Cian /key-in/. The apartment was located in a student town called Louvain-la-Neuve (LLN) and just behind the shopping center where I was working. LLN is a lovely town where there are a lot of things going on while the students are there during the year. In the summer it is less animated.

Learning how to cohabitate with a man was quite intense. I didn’t imagine how different my life would be by living with someone without other roommates. It was tough when we were arguing as there was no real escape from it all. I learnt to face our issues instead of running away. Communication is so important in a relationship, luckily, I noticed it quickly! You can go to read my previous post about how I learnt to deal with cohabitation.   

Anyway, I didn’t want to decorate our new first home together because I couldn’t forget the feeling of shame. But I tried to make the apartment nice and welcoming for Cian. I wanted him to have a great time in Belgium because I knew it’d be difficult with the language barrier.

 

Back to school

School was tough even though I just had to go for 2 hours per week. The first semester was easier because it was just every Monday at 8h30 am. There was no one to see me going to school.

At school, I limited all interaction with the other students because I was older than them and not really on the same page. It wasn’t because I thought I was better than them or anything like that!

In the end, I passed and got my degree last June. Now it’s something I can bury deep down in a box in my head and forget about it.

study
Art of studying 🙂

 

How I deal with failure

First of all, I didn’t want to share my feeling of failure with anybody. I kept everything to myself because I didn’t want to admit how much I was affected and also I didn’t want to face it. Before Cian moved to Belgium, I just acted like this failure wasn’t real. I was so busy during the summer with my new job that September hit me hard. There wasn’t any choice but to face the moment and g o back to school.

Here are 10 tips that helped me to handle it:

  1. Face your failure and do not blame someone else

  2. Accept it, accept how you feel too

  3. Don’t take it personally

  4. Keep your mind busy

  5. Talk about it with someone close to you

  6. Be positive and stop ruminating your failure

  7. Learn from the situation

  8. Identify the causes of your failure

  9. Believe in yourself

  10. The most important is never give up

A positive attitude is the best thing for everything, isn’t it?


Your turn: What is your biggest fear? 

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6 Replies to “I failed and it didn’t kill me — A year of shame”

  1. Lovely post. Great experience and the bulletpoints were great!

    1. Thank yo Eli, I’m glad you liked it 🙂

  2. Such a positive post, thanks for sharing your experience. I am glad you passed in the end, you deserve it 🙂

    http://www.asparklingjourney.com

    1. Aw cute, THANKS very much 🙂

  3. I love how positive this post is, and I’m so pleased it all worked out in the end! I definitely thing failing is one of my fears too, I used to be worried about letting everyone else down, rather than my own feelings. That feeling is still there, but nowhere near as bad!

    1. Thank you,
      How did you deal with this fear ?

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